Life is Your Story

(Mont Tremblant, Quebec - Winter 2009) It's 2AM. My mind is in a spin. Thoughts are racing so fast that I can't catch them. It's 3AM. I've left the house the way you leave when you don't know where you or going or why - just that you had to get up and go.  I am driving down a country road. It's a crisp, chilly evening that smells like winter. My mood is jagged and sharp. I taste blood in my mouth from an apparent injury I do not remember. The red juice is dripping from the corner of my lips. I find a napkin in the cup holder and I place it over the wound. It's as if I have been kidnapped and gagged and in a way I have. I  pull into an empty lot by a long abandoned sawmill. I turn the engine off and I step outside. I immediately feel the deep freeze run through my bones.  Clouds of smoke exit my mouth the moment my breath makes contact with the air.   I walk toward a bridge and stand upon it looking down at the rushing river. Rivers are mighty. They own what...

WHEN YOU COME HOME AT THE END OF THE DAY – YOUR HEAD SPINNING IN A CLOUD OF FEATHERS AND DUST – I WILL BE HERE FOR YOU – WE WILL HUG – WE WILL HAVE DINNER THE WAY WE USE TO HAVE DINNER – TAKING OUR TIME – MELTING INTO ONE ANOTHER – EATING AND TALKING ABOUT THINGS TO LOOK FORWARD TO  WE’LL KISS – THE WAY WE USE TO KISS – OUR TONGUES DANCING – WE WILL EXPLORE ONE ANOTHER SO WE CAN GET BACK TO WHERE WE WERE – OUR HANDS TRAVELING THE LINES THAT TRACE THE MAP OF OUR  LOVE JOURNEY  -   WE  WILL  THRIVE TOGETHER IN THE DARKNESS  THAT IS OUR LIGHT   WE CAN FIND OUR WAY BACK TO ALL OF THIS – TO ALL OF US – I KNOW WE LOVE EACH OTHER – I KNOW SOMETIMES WE CAN’T STAND EACH OTHER – I KNOW THAT’S OKAY AS LONG THE “LOVING EACH OTHER” OUTWEIGHS THE REST  NOW COME HERE MY LOVE – HOLD ME – KISS ME – SLIP BENEATH THE SHEETS WITH ME - FEEL ME - TASTE ME TASTING YOU  I WILL BE THERE AT...

There are far too many people suffering in silence from the beast that is mental illness. They remain behind closed doors that should be open. They are imprisoned in their own minds.  Their loved ones worry about them and often feel helpless because there is so much they are trying to understand that can't be understood; unless experiencing it oneself.  We all experience crisis in our lifetimes. Some of us fall and get back up while those with mental illness often struggle and are unable to find their grounding.  This post is a shout out for love, understanding and support. This is about erasing the stigma that brings shame and secrecy to an illness that is misunderstood and under funded.  Those suffering can only rise to their feet if those surrounding them are willing to join them hand in hand and take a step forward - far too many steps have been taken backward. ---------------------------------------------- What happens when the ground...

This is a true story and it is fascinating.  I went to the grocery store. I was in the mood for some Beck's non alcoholic beer (is there any other kind?). I am always hesitant to walk into that "walk- in" beer fridge. I wonder who else is in that fridge?  So I go in and it’s cold because it’s a fridge. I make my way around the maze of crates and boxes and then I smell cologne and I don’t wear cologne so I know its not me.  Then this large man (anyone is large compared to me) comes around the bend and smiles and says,  “What are you looking for little lady?” and I say... “It’s a beer fridge – I’m looking for beer.” He smiles, pats me on the back – which is strange because we are face to face. I find my Beck’s beer, smile on the inside and then I turn  around and the cologne guy is right up in my face. I am suddenly afraid and then to make things worse (worse than being alone in a giant cold fridge with a stranger who is close talking me),...

Of all the things we experience in our lifetimes - love is undeniably the most significant. Love gives and receives. It makes us feel alive even when we are near death. It's the one thing we can take with us because in the end; love departs hand in hand with our souls. When we are in crisis, the first thing we reach for is love. It provides an escape from our worries and obsessions as it wraps its arms around us and whispers "You are not alone - I will always walk beside you." Love knows us better than we know ourselves. Love leads us to where we are supposed to be on the purest and most intimate level. There are no rubber bands for love, no walks or bike rides, yet love is the force behind all of the causes that drive us to be there for our families and friends. So if you are feeling empty, remember that love is waiting around the corner to remind you why you are here. Go love and then love some more. For my parents  - For your parents -  th...

After hearing so much about the Netflix series - Fauda - from friends and family I finally decided to check it out - give it a go. I would not have hesitated but I saw there were subtitles and I wasn't sure if I could read, eat chips and watch a show all at the same time. I knew this was going to be a big responsibility and I had to be ready for it. Once I started watching - I realized that the subtitles may as well read.... OH SHIT - OH SHIT - SOMETHING IS HAPPENING - SOMETHING IS GOING TO HAPPEN - SOMETHING JUST HAPPENED - SOMETHING IS HAPPENING AGAIN - GET ME SOME OXYGEN... Actually I haven't eaten or slept or talked to myself (probably have but I no longer notice - like when you are in a relationship with someone who is always talking - even during Fauda - and you just learn to tune them out). I'm not sure if it is raining or snowing because the blinds are drawn. I have a migraine from reading without my glasses and I also have a migraine from reading with m...

I did not expect to be single at this stage of life but I have found a way around it and highly recommend it to anyone in my position. Don’t get me wrong – being alone mid-life is not an easy pill to swallow. Many deep thoughts have traversed through my slightly tangled and wondrous mind:  Maybe I should have stopped after the fifth tattoo. Maybe baseball caps should no longer be a permanent fixture in my vast and glorious wardrobe.  Maybe I should have listened to my mother and married that accountant. Maybe I should have ditched my graphic T's and button fly Levis for a dress - although there would be no real point to that (other than giving my mother a sliver of hope) because I would still be wearing my Levis under the dress. Yep I was digging real deep until one miraculous Saturday - I met Netflix and we started dating. We didn’t meet on Tinder or Bumble – there were no swipes or hook ups or need for geo tracking. Nope none of that - for just $10 - I...