Life is Your Story

I'm feeling 50 - I mean I am feeling it everywhere. I'm tired. I'm squinting. I say "oye" all the time. "Oye!" I'm trying to remember what foreplay is but all I can think of it as eating a bag of Miss Vickie's Salt Vinegar chips before watching Shark Tank (which I watch and shout out "I had that idea - I had that idea - damn!") I've lost my taste for food that has any taste because gas is a stark reality of feeling 50 so best to avoid it (the gas). I eat mostly bread and toast (which is bread toasted) and I usually find the time to fit in some danish or other bakery type product (which is delicious). I use to work out every day - I mean intense works outs. Now I get on the elliptical and my knee says "Oh don't do it - don't do it." And what on earth is happening to my neck? There are lines and creases and the skin is like butter - you hear me? Like butter!" I would cover it all up with a b...

Over the course of the past few years I have noticed that I am aging and I have come to the conclusion that this is happening because I am aging. And with this highly anticipated joyful life event my face is slowly slipping and sliding and large puffy pillows have formed under my eyes. These are most apparent when I awake in the morning fresh and waiting to start a new day. This is my Confession - please do not share it with anyone else. I’m middle aged. I’m forgetting everything including what I have forgotten. I am always tired and when I’m not I’m tired. My once flat stomach is in a constant state of bloatation (and I am prone to making up words). But by far the most visible sign of my ship sinking are those bags under my eyes and the lines that crisscross and align over their peaks. Thankfully I have the world at my hands and more than enough information on any subject whatsoever on the very happy and busy planet of Google. So I sear...