Showing posts from October 13, 2013

I Met a Man in a Beer Fridge and This is What Happened

This is a true story and it is fascinating.  I went to the grocery store. I was in the mood for some Beck's non alcoholic beer (is there any other kind?). I am always hesitant to walk into those beer fridges because I don't know is someone is hiding behind a box of Beck's non alcoholic beer or if the door will lock, leaving me trapped.  So I go in and it’s cold because it’s a fridge. I make my way around the maze of crates and boxes and then I smell cologne and I don’t wear cologne so I know its not me.  Then this large man (anyone is large compared to me) comes around the bend and smiles and says, “What are you looking for little lady?” and I say... “It’s a beer fridge – I’m looking for beer.” He smiles, pats me on the back – which is strange because we are face to face. I find my Beck’s beer, smile on the inside and then I turn  around and the cologne guy is right up in my face. I am suddenly afraid and then to make things worse (worse than bei


Heartbreak is a scar that you carry around hidden beneath your sleeve but always visible in your eyes. No matter how much you grow or how many others you fall in love with, you never forget that one great, big heartbreak. And it’s not just your heart that breaks, it’s your mind as well.   You see life differently and everyone else you encounter thereafter is subjected to careful examination.  You put on a brave face at work all day but when you return home you find yourself struggling to pick up the pieces of your shattered heart that have fallen everywhere and nowhere. This break, this dark cloud dipping into your soul has brought you to your knees leaving you unable to sleep, think or eat. The pain so intense, you are convinced it cannot be tamed. But for the most part and as time goes on, the thoughts and images fade and the pain lessens. The heart begins to heal and blossom and you open it up for business once again. You realize that without a broke

Deep Thoughts from a 40 Something Year Old Woman

Welcome to Lisa Audrey Cohen's.... Deep Thoughts from a 40 Something Year Old Woman Is that a blow torch up my ass or am I just having a hot flash? Something sweet to say to me: “Honey, you are just as beautiful as the day we met” or “I like you with whiskers” What is that kangaroo pouch above my waist line and why does it remain there even when I suck my gut in and does it come with a baby kangaroo or just water retention (I’m naming the baby kangaroo Sally)? Me and Bob Gainey - Having Deep Thoughts. A Sports bra is highly recommended even if you are just sitting on the couch.  All of the action is heading down south toward the knee caps and the knee caps are creaking and aching especially when I bend, walk, run or lie down. Heading down south use to mean heading to Florida. Heading downtown use to mean …never mind. Stop those Diane Keaton L’Oreal commercials. She is killing me. Does she actually look like that at her age? I don’t