Life is Your Story

When I was a kid, my "happily ever after" (hereafter noted as "HEA") consisted of marrying my Ken doll (G.I. Joe was a close 2 nd ) and moving to Colorado where we would build a log home  without  a picket fence and have mountain children and a goat named Ed.     Then I went off to elementary school and when I was in that pivotal role of a 6 th  grader – not quite a child, not quite a teenager, I changed my mind and my HEA became  marrying a Veterinarian and having 5 dogs instead of 5 children and naming them Gus, Spade, Hank, Jack and Wilbur. High school came along and my HEA became me and my friends moving to California and living together in one of those houses by Venice Beach. We would run a taco stand on the boardwalk and play guitar and drink beer by a bonfire at night. Then I made my way to University and all my HEA became – "What am I going to do with my life and how am I ever going to be able to move out of my parent’s...

I still see you even though you are no longer here I still feel the part of me that is you even though I am numb I still look for you when I return home at the end of the day  To an empty apartment where you've never lived and I never thought I would  I reach my hands over to your side of the bed expecting to feel you there, warm, breathing beside me Even though you will never sleep in this bed. I still tell you about my day and something funny that happened  Even though I can't hear you laugh or watch your eyes read my lips  I still love you even if you don't love me Because with all love, with our love... There's the stillness There's the movement And somewhere in-between  There is you

This is a true story and it is fascinating.  I went to the grocery store. I was in the mood for some Beck's non alcoholic beer (is there any other kind?). I am always hesitant to walk into those beer fridges because I don't know is someone is hiding behind a box of Beck's non alcoholic beer or if the door will lock, leaving me trapped.  So I go in and it’s cold because it’s a fridge. I make my way around the maze of crates and boxes and then I smell cologne and I don’t wear cologne so I know its not me.  Then this large man (anyone is large compared to me) comes around the bend and smiles and says, “What are you looking for little lady?” and I say... “It’s a beer fridge – I’m looking for beer.” He smiles, pats me on the back – which is strange because we are face to face. I find my Beck’s beer, smile on the inside and then I turn  around and the cologne guy is right up in my face. I am suddenly afraid and then to make things worse (worse t...

Heartbreak is a scar that you carry around hidden beneath your sleeve but always visible in your eyes. No matter how much you grow or how many others you fall in love with, you never forget that one great, big heartbreak. And it’s not just your heart that breaks, it’s your mind as well.   You see life differently and everyone else you encounter thereafter is subjected to careful examination.  You put on a brave face at work all day but when you return home you find yourself struggling to pick up the pieces of your shattered heart that have fallen everywhere and nowhere. This break, this dark cloud dipping into your soul has brought you to your knees leaving you unable to sleep, think or eat. The pain so intense, you are convinced it cannot be tamed. But for the most part and as time goes on, the thoughts and images fade and the pain lessens. The heart begins to heal and blossom and you open it up for business once again. You realize that withou...

Welcome to Lisa Audrey Cohen's.... Deep Thoughts from a 40 Something Year Old Woman Is that a blow torch up my ass or am I just having a hot flash? Something sweet to say to me: “Honey, you are just as beautiful as the day we met” or “I like you with whiskers” What is that kangaroo pouch above my waist line and why does it remain there even when I suck my gut in and does it come with a baby kangaroo or just water retention (I’m naming the baby kangaroo Sally)? Me and Bob Gainey - Having Deep Thoughts. A Sports bra is highly recommended even if you are just sitting on the couch.  All of the action is heading down south toward the knee caps and the knee caps are creaking and aching especially when I bend, walk, run or lie down. Heading down south use to mean heading to Florida. Heading downtown use to mean …never mind. Stop those Diane Keaton L’Oreal commercials. She is killing me. Does she actually look like that at her age? I don’t ...

Strength keeps you standing even when the ground beneath you is crumbling. When something traumatic happens in your life, the blow can be so severe, that you find yourself knocking on a friend's door, asking if you can borrow some of their strength. And as you stand with your heart in your hand, and an aching pain in your gut, you are fully aware that you may not be able to return that strength, for some time. Strength allows you to focus on the middle rather than the beginning or the end. Strength is what gets you from here to there. There will always be a demand for strength. There will never be a demand for weakness.  Just keep in mind that weakness usually shows up first. It's up to you whether strength shows up next.

Ending a long, loving relationship with someone who has been your best friend, your other half and whom unfortunately you’ve grown apart from; is a form of death. The pain, the abandonment, the tide of being scared and sick to your stomach and dizzy and confused comes rushing in and drowns you in its wake. It’s a tear, a rip, a cut that won’t heal. And as with death’s occurrence, there are arrangements to be made. You can’t see straight or think or eat but you have to put it to sleep. You have to turn off the machines, say goodbye, bury everything, all of it – the smiles, the tears, the joint ventures, the good fight you fought as one, the losses, the gains, all of it deep beneath the ground never to be seen again. Often there are others who will be hurt whether it be children, extended family, mutual friends or beloved pets. And you know what? It’s an impossible situation because you can’t stay and you can’t leave. And you wonder “How do I star...

To stick your neck out and take the first hit To stop focusing on yourself and instead focus on them To lift them up off the ground by first spending some time on the ground beside them To open your home, your heart and never make them feel needy To listen and not speak To be non-judgemental To realize it is a very thin line between their fall and you falling To endure some discomfort and inconvenience so they endure less To understand  that being there for someone you love IS LOVE To make a decision to stick by them and stick to that decision To understand that although you may want to save them They may not want to be saved To give them everything you have to give  Even if they don't take it To wake up every morning Wondering will this be the day? They let me in And to keep on trying Even when you are at your wit's end Because you know That is what it means To be there for someone

There’s a common ground between all of us and it starts with worrying. Everyone everywhere worries about something. We are born to worry. Some of us turn it off better than others but for the most part it’s always there in the back of your mind pulling at you. Health or lack thereof can especially bring on worry. It’s one of the most important things you can worry about. It’s something that you often have little control over but it can take control of you and your entire life in a fraction of a second. We worry about love. Love isn’t free and it isn’t all that you need but whatever you do have of it and no matter how much you have of it; you worry you will lose it. We all lose love and find love throughout our lifetimes. We give our love away and we take love often without really comprehending its value. We worry about our children from the time they are born until the time we leave this world and chances are that even when we are no longer here...

I have lost 4 dogs in my lifetime. I can’t convey the pain, the loss, the feeling of hopelessness but I can tell you that through this devastation, I became a believer. Actually I became a crusader. I prayed that some kind of Dog Heaven (such as  Rainbow Bridge)  existed; I proclaimed it the best place on earth where the most incredible souls roamed – a place too sacred and spiritual for those of human form.                                                                          Buddy One of the things that stuck with me after my dogs were gone was who will take care of them and how will they make it to wherever they go next? After all dogs need to be cared for their entire lives, they don’t grow up and move out and start a life of their own.  I decided to Google "...

All of my dogs, past and present have shared something in common; they love to spend the day looking out the front window. Sometimes I wonder what it is they see or hope to see and then I realize that what they see is EVERYTHING; all the things we as humans take for granted. To them the front window is sacred. Through that window they see us leave to work and then miraculously reappear at the end of the day. I think dogs look through many windows in life; the ones into our hearts and souls and the inevitable one that takes them from this world to the next.  The next time you catch your dog on the couch with his face smeared up against the window - join him. You may learn something. Just try not to lick the window - it makes a mess.

I t starts like this…something happens that you don’t want anyone to know about. Eventually it becomes a beast that eats at your soul. You need to release it and share it with someone else; someone you trust who has skin in the game because they have told you their secrets. You’ll regret this because the relationship, the hemming and the hawing that goes on and on – the battle in your mind. Eventually the person you tell will run onto the playing field like a coach instructing you how to win the game.  The spectacular secrets are the ones you have never told another living soul and they could light a room on fire. Deeply rooted in your foundation, they are the reason you stay standing and the reason you are down on your knees.   Every secret you tell is one secret too many. Once told, it can never be untold.  A Secret is a Secret.

Fathers are distant yet near. The good ones do what they have to do before doing what they want to do. They pick you up and hold you high. They watch over you quietly from the sidelines. They try to avoid distractions and temptation. They try to be better than their fathers Whether they were bad or good My Dad - #26 And although they may not express it all that well or all that often... Their love for you is constant It follows you Wherever you go Wherever you are Close your eyes Return to your earliest memory You are taking your first steps And even though he is on the other side of the room He is ready to run and catch you If you fall somewhere in the middle Where everything happens Sometimes you make it into his arms Other times he reaches out and grabs you Breaking your fall This plays on again and again As life throws you up and down And as your father remains there Ready to catch you Even when he has gone Happy...

How do you comfort your mom after your dad passes away? How do you convince her that everything is going to be alright when you are unable to convince yourself? How do you expect her to just move on after having having spent most of her life with the same person? He was her best friend. They loved each other, they hated each other, they put up with one another, they ate breakfast together, they ate dinner together – he asked “how was your day?” and she asked “how was your day?” and other times they ate in silence. They forgave and forgot, they gave and they took, there was hurt and pain and joy and laughter. There was all that life could throw at them and all that they withstood as a united and powerful force created from love and devotion. They sacrificed for you and your siblings as all good parents do in wanting more for you than they had for themselves. They made a promise – in sickness and in health – knowing one would eventually fall ill while the other w...

As we grow older the pool of people we meet and befriend becomes larger and more diversified. Some are just acquaintances while others have been there during the worst crisis of our lives. I have witnessed people truly coming together in support and out of compassion for one another and it is a beautiful thing. I volunteer as a facilitator of support groups for those suffering from mental illness as well as their caregivers. Often the people that attend my groups are living in a psychiatric ward or have just been discharged. Many of the participants were or are admitted at the same time and so they become familiar with one another. This provides them with a common ground and a shared understanding of the pain and daily challenges they all face. They don’t pretend to be someone they are not. They are past the stage of disguises and stories and fake images. They are exhausted but they are fighters and they deal with the very essence of survival in the bleakest of moments. Through t...