Life is Your Story

So it's a long holiday weekend. A few days off of work - good - missing someone who was around this time last year - not so good.  That's the thing about holidays. They are a respite from work and our daily routines but they are also a reminder of the unexpected changes we have experienced and the people we have lost.   As we sit around the dining room table and enjoy a meal that brings everyone together at one time under one roof. We notice the empty chairs and we hear the voices and the laughter of those who have vanished from our lives.  There are sweet reminders and there are sad ones and somehow they all mix together in our hearts and in our souls and they make the butterflies in our stomachs dance and sway.  And it's not just about those who have passed from this life, no, the memories and the pain of those we have broken up with, divorced/split from come pouring in. They are no longer there beside us. They are no longer part of your part of the family.

Regret. It's a tough pill to swallow. It's part of life. It's usually about doing something you shouldn't have done or being with someone you shouldn't have been with or saying something that never should have been said. I have regrets and so do you. As humans we are programmed to make many, many mistakes before we figure things out for ourselves. It's our trial and error, our "I think I'll do this and see what happens next" even though you pretty much know what will happen next. But you know what is worse than regret - not regretting - I mean how much fun is that? What if we did everything right the first time and there were no second, third, fourth, etc tries? What if we met the person we were going to spend our lives with at the start of our lives and therefore never bothered to meet any other potential partners? What if we never drank too much or smoked too much and were never sitting on the bathroom floor staring into the to

Being alone – most of us have experienced it at one time in our lives or another. I remember the first time I fell in love and had a lengthy relationship. We were together all the time and when we broke up it felt like a part of me had been sliced and removed blender style. It felt like time had frozen and I was stuck on a highway in a blizzard ALONE. That was an awful feeling. Unfortunately many people are alone on a full time basis. It’s how they spend their lives and I’m sure it’s not by choice but by circumstance. Circumstance can change any of our lives in an instant. Where can you find people who are alone? Try a bench in any park. Try a table in a café. Try a bar in the middle of the day. I see them. I feel for them and I wonder, how did they end up alone? Can you imagine spending you entire day not having anyone to speak to? Can you imagine never being touched, hugged or kissed? There should be a café designed just for people who are alone and then they could mee

People fall apart when they lose a sense of who they are or come to the realization of who they are not. Some people never delve this deep and never really change. They glide through life on a straight line - wax on - wax off. People who lose themselves are also people who look for themselves everywhere and in everyone they meet. They look in all the right places and they lose themselves in all the wrong places. Some of them eventually do find themselves and that allows them to settle down and walk that straight line. While others flip and flop and fly and crash and repeat the process again and again to no avail. They are tired, worn souls and although both they and their loved ones wish they could follow a straight line; they don't know how -mostly because they can't see straight. What makes people fall apart? Well sometimes they feel alone without support, love or empathy and other times they aren’t alone rather they are surrounded by people who care for them deeply;

How are you? I mean it - really - how are you? At the end of the day when you are alone in bed or washing up in the bathroom and you see yourself in the mirror and you stay and stare just a little longer wondering how time has changed you and where the time has gone. Do you ever catch yourself not wondering what is next and wonder why you no longer think of what's next? When you go out to run your messages, do you find yourself wondering how much time you spend doing messages and how little enjoyment you gain from them? Do you ever watch the person in bed beside you sleeping and wonder who they really are? What are the secrets they have managed to keep from you and what are they thinking when you are sleeping beside them and they are awake wondering about you? Do you ever stop the car in front of your kids school when you are there to pick them up and even though they are already outside playing or hanging out with friends, instead of honking the horn or calling out thei

I mean really. Her passing is tragic. She has an 18yr old daughter who will never recover from this loss and will never truly have the answer as to why her mother took her life (if it was not accidental). She was a fabulous singer and performer. She was a beautiful woman and probably a beautiful person who suffered from addiction as so many brilliant artists do. And then there are all of us regular folk. We have our vices, we have our secrets and tragically we all know of someone - close or distant - who has lost their struggle with addiction and in turn their lives. But let's just call it a day. Leave it be. Let her family mourn in private. Stop the constant reports, stories, photos and ridiculous interviews with people who claim to be her friends yet want nothing more than their moments of fame. You know what is really sad about her death and so many others who were in the spotlight? It's the fact that their deaths over shadow their lives in the end. It's their lives we s

I'm not sure if you have seen this Valentines Day commercial yet - perhaps you are fortunate and it is not playing in your area. This guy runs to a train station with a box of chocolates in hand and he grabs this woman (whom supposedly he knows in a romantic sort of way) and lifts her in the air and kisses and hugs her just before she boards her train. Then he gestures to her and his lips read (and the music plays) "Merci" (that means Thank You in French). Then she opens the box and finds these mini chocolate bars like I use to get in my Halloween bag. She is very, very happy to be on the receiving end of these chocolates (and that the train has pulled away from the guy at the station). That's the thing about Valentines Day - it's expected - it's on purpose - it's cruel for anyone who is single and the worst part is that it use to (I hope this tradition has stopped) begin in grade school when our teachers announced one week ahead that we would be

Circa 1990... So George Clooney calls me. He's coming to town (as in Montreal) and he's heard about this fantastic mystical place called The Cavendish Mall. He asks if I can pick him up at the airport and take him there. So I step out into the fine season of winter that embraces Montreal in all its wrath and builds character in our tribe, and I get into my car wondering what I am going to say to George when he walks through those sliding doors at the airport.  Then I think about all the times I walked through those doors returning home from various travels and always having someone waiting for me on the other side - often with a kiss, a hug and sometimes even flowers.  And then I thought of all the times I stood waiting for a loved one to arrive and of all the sad faces on the people who came through those doors having no one waiting for them on the other side. Yeah so I get into my truck and it stalls and then it stalls again and George is on his way in. I can't b

Hands up - Baby - Hands Up! Barry Zbar, Lisa Audrey Cohen and Gena Ray (of Group Ideal Travel)proudly announce the Very First MONTREAL MEMORIES CLUB MED EXTRAVAGANZA . THINK...All - Inclusive (yep booze too), tropical Cancun on a private peninsula, lots of Ocean, the Montreal Memories Folks (you), laughing, dancing, eating (while talking about eating because hey we are Montrealers) all together in one special place for one special time. Who is BARRY ZBAR ? Founder and Fearless Leader of Montreal Memories. Who is Ideal Travel ? Montreal based - 30+ years - Quebec's Largest Independent Travel Management Company. Who is Gena Ray ? The official Montreal Memories Travel Professional. Who is Lisa Audrey Cohen ? Writer in Residence - Montreal Memories - 20+ years in Adventure Travel. THE RESORT ROCKS! All - Inclusive (meals, booze, welcome cocktail just for MM, airport shuttle, membership, all sports and boating, etc.) Located and built on a Private Peninsula Fully renovated air condition

We love our children and as we welcome them into the world our entire lives shift toward them and their well being. We worry and sometimes we overstep our bounds instead of standing back and watching even if we don't like what we see. In some cases, as parents we can no longer remain as one. Our arguments become fights and the gloves come off and we can't take back the ugly things we have done and the hurtful things we have said. We lose our love for each other but we keep our love for our children. We carry the guilt of the mornings they wake up and can't see both their parents and the nights they go to bed much the same. Sometimes we stay together even if we don't want to anymore because what we want and what our children need are two very different things. Eventually they make their choices - the real choices - the ones that take their lives from one stage to the next. They choose their careers, their partners and we hope they carry with them the valu

Towels of my life. 3 yrs old, cold, shivering, running out of the gated kids area at Blossom Pool, my mother, kneeling, open towel, wrap around me, warm, fabric softener scent, hug, love, safe. Guest - friends country house - age 11 - weekend in winter - new discovery - some families have two houses - one for the week - one for the weekend - we don't - here is the guestroom, here is the washroom and here is your towel - large, plush - it may even be new - yes I think they gave me a new towel - welcome. Boyfriend - Me - first shower with someone other than myself - towel on, towel off - all weekend long - fun, exciting, daring - and lots of towels. Grandmother - MS - confined to bed for 30 years - paralyzed from neck down - forehead as in head as in only part of body she can feel - heating up - fever - me 16,towel - cold water - hold gently on her against her forehead - brush of fingers to her cheek - does she know I love her? - does she know I wish I could fix her? - get a

I recently watched the movie "Beginners" written as a semi auto bio piece by Mike Mills. Ewan McGregor plays the role of a deeply effected son who witnessed the absence of affection and connection between his parents during his upbringing. Christopher Plummer steals the show playing the part of the father who after 45 years of marriage and his wife's passing, informs his son that he is Gay. He then goes on to celebrate life, love and sensual pleasures with a younger man. A permanent smile is affixed to his face and his happiness is infectious. In a sense, he becomes a "Beginner" living his life as a fresh start at the tender age of 75. One of the many questions the movie asks is... "How do you measure someone else's sorrow?" My response (cause it's my Blog): "You don't" But with empathy, an open non judgmental attitude and a good hard look into someones eyes, you can at least try. It's also a movie

Unfortunately and inevitably we find ourselves in a position of caring for our parents at the same time as we are parents ourselves. This stage of life and/or phenomena has been known as the "Sandwich Generation." It's painful to watch your parents grow old and become less autonomous, less able to make choices and care for themselves fully. It's tragic when one of your parents dies leaving the other behind. For the first time in 30, 40, 50 years their best friend is no longer by their side. They won't be at the breakfast table in the morning discussing all the things they have to do and planning for the weekend ahead when they will babysit their grandchildren, watch a movie and go out for Brunch. They won't be jotting down the never ending doctor's appointments that they go to together and the list for the pharmacy. They won't be ordering in their favourite food and watching the Oscars. Imagine losing the person closest in the world to you. You lo

My mother called last night to inform me that a dear friend of many years and many circles had passed away after a valiant battle with Cancer. This was not the first friend she has lost nor will be it the last. So what are the "circles" I mentioned? Well there are certain people in our lives who just keep showing up around each corner. We meet them when we are starting out our journey and spend quality, in-depth time with them and then they move on as do we. A month, a year may go by and then one day they appear and suddenly you are working in the same office or taking the same class and its as if you never left them. Your friendship, your bond, is so strong that it levitates eternally and then reaches down and places you side by side as if you were never apart. Circles. They go round and round and sometimes they make our heads spin and our hearts swoon for they are sacred. They encompass and exhude all the passion, excitement and adventure that rolls on and beco

A s another year expires and another begins its journey, it's the simple things in life that we should appreciate. The rest, well it will come and go and although it will leave an imprint, it won't last deeply and spiritually. Here's to the simple things: - A New Years Eve surrounded by the people that matter to you most in the world and a countdown that is really a count forward of hope and what faith does with it. - A walk in the cold winter snow talking about real things with someone who listens because they care about what you have to say and from where those words come. - Cooking, laughing, hugging and catching the eye of someone across the room who has already caught yours. - Reuniting with family and friends who may be spread across the map but when you are together it's as if you were never apart. - Welcoming a new member of the family - a baby, a significant other, a friend who would otherwise be alone for the holidays and suddenly feels as if t