Life is Your Story

Last night my dog Buddy came to me in a dream the way sometimes dearly departed souls visit you when you least expect it and the experience is so visceral, so deep that it both hurts and heals. I was in the country with a friend checking out a farm for sale. I exited one of the many tattered barns and as I came around the bend Buddy was just standing there.  He appeared as a hologram floating in the mist, in the fog. It had been 7 years since we last were together. I thought of him every day and while most of the thoughts were happy and provided me with wonderful memories of our life together; there were always those waves that washed over me at night - a tide burying me somewhere in the sand. But now he stood in front of me and the hologram transitioned into all of Buddy and his beauty - just the way I remembered him -- healthy, handsome and goofy of course. Buddy was quite a character. He was my birthday present when I turned 30 ( a Flat Coat Retriever we adopted from a s...

It's a sick, haunting thought but we all know someone who has passed suddenly, tragically and unexpectedly.  And if you are single and you have a dog - at some point you have to ask yourself - -  "Who will take care of my dog if I die? Having volunteered at a dog shelter, I often came in touch with dogs who had been left behind after their owners had passed away. There was no succession plan like people have for their kids. These dogs were instant orphans missing their home and their human mom/dad. Dogs suffer in silence. The deep sadness and confusion is difficult to alleviate because we can't explain to them what has happened and they can't ask any questions. I'm alive and I don't leave my dog with anyone. I have had dogs my entire life and they have accompanied me on all my vacations (camping, hiking, no planes - car rides - anything for my pooches). My whole life has revolved around my dogs and my present dog has only been with ...

Since you left I have been crashing into furniture in the dark I have been waiting to feel something for someone else I've re -examined the whole thing Taken it apart piece by piece Argued to the left Argued to the right I'm afraid to go to the places we use to hang out Afraid I may see you - Afraid I may not see you I come home at the end of the day hoping you will be here hoping you've changed your mind about me about us about everything I pray for amnesia to dull the pain I fear that without you there is no me I lay awake at night Waiting to hear your key in the door Waiting for you to come back and tell me that everything is alright that  you never stopped loving me and you will never leave again I need to see you I need to hear you speak my name And I promise you this...  I will wait here A few more moments And if you do not show up As difficult as it may be I will wait here forever I'm sorry Come find me

I know you love me more than you love yourself. I know that you think of me all day when you are at work and I am at home thinking about you. I know you would skip a weeknight out because I have been alone all day and weeknights are for me and you. I know that if I wait on the floor beneath your chair that sooner or later you will drop some food and I will grab it and gobble it down before you can take it away from me. I know all of your pain and have counted all of your teardrops and I don't like anyone who has hurt you or anyone who may hurt you. I know you made sacrifices when you rescued me and that you gave me a second chance. I know that when you came to the shelter I noticed you right away and I wanted you to take me home. I know that when you saw me in the shelter, you thought I was cute and you heard my story and you felt badly and as much as you wanted to save me you were concerned as to whether you would be the right parent/home for me but yo...

My dog is brilliant and so is yours. Yeah they chase their tails and steal your socks and smell people's butts but they are still far more advanced than you and me in terms of their perception of time and life itself.  So I  was watching this series on Showtime called "The Big C" (actually quite good) and the main character decided to participate in a "make my life better" type weekend conference (led by the amazing Susan Sarandon). The metaphor/mission/message was delivered at the start of the weekend with participants receiving knapsacks that they had to fill with large rocks. They then had to wear the knapsacks on their backs over the course of the weekend until they were able to prove that they had let go of the past - stuff like regrets, broken relationships, money not well spent. I thought it was kind of cliche until that very night I caught myself doing the usual staring at the ceiling obsessing about the past - break ups, losses, failure...

Kiss Me  Lips  Tongue Inhale Exhale Rock Me Fill Me Deep Rescue Me Hold Me Explore Me Here There Everywhere In the dark In the light Up Down Again and Again Taste Me Tasting You Warm Wet Love Lust Sex All of Me All of You Accept Me Respect Me Kiss Me For all of those who have found love and to the brave souls who are willing to try and find it again.

moving on it's a survival skill like making fire building a shelter finding water but no one teaches us how to move on after suffering a loss experiencing failure the end of a relationship the end of something that is never supposed to end Love                 we stumble and fall lose direction lose ourselves because we have no idea how to move on we remain stuck in the middle where there is no beginning and no end obsessing over the same thoughts going in circles with an aching head and a beaten soul we all need to move on I do You do because there is nothing in the stillness and while you wait there someone somewhere is moving on from you

We had met on a sleepy, Sunday afternoon, at an Espresso Bar in Old Montreal. It was the kind of day that you don't want to leave your place, or even get out of bed.  But the loneliness, creeps in, the day lingers on and you leave so you can find someone to bring home. I was sitting at a corner table, writing words that didn't connect, wondering where the missing piece of the puzzle, to my sunken love life had gone. He was at the table beside me, sketching birds flying across the sky in unison, in a shape that resembled a heart. He had sandy brown hair that he pulled away from his face, only for it to fall back within seconds. His eyes were blue and he had a cleft in his chin that I wanted to nibble. He felt my eyes upon him. We struck up a conversation. He showed me his art, I showed him my words. We didn't ask one another's names. Who cares about a name. We knew we would be leaving together.  He held my hand from under the table, stroking his fingers across the ...

10 has sex with various shaped pillows 9 invites friends over to watch Game of Thrones on Netflix 8 tries on your clothes (because he is sick and tired of walking around naked all the time) 7 farts something so awful even he has to clear the room 6 logs onto your  computer for doggy online dating and creates a completely fictitious profile 5 logs onto your computer for YOUR online dating and creates a completely fictitious profile 4 sleeps then awakes at the thought of applying to college and doing something with his life but then realizes  that  would mean less sleep so forgets about it and goes back to sleep 3 updates his profile on LinkedIn so he can get a job and buy a new Kong 2 unmakes the bed and rubs  himself  all over the sheets and thinks it's funny And the #1 THING YOUR DOG DOES WHILE YOU ARE AT WORK: perfects his “IT WASN'T ME” face for when you walk through the door          ...

What I would give for one more moment... In the car with my parents and brothers listening to Genesis, Styx, Fleetwood Mac on a family vacation. My  father  at the wheel young and healthy, telling us jokes and my mother at ease by his side loving life, loving us and forever  moving  forward with her hand closed around mine. Friday night dinner with my grandparents, at the table looking around at all of our faces and listening to our stories, laughing, smiling  already  having learned  the  art of treasuring every moment as if it is your last.  The first time I fell in love without questioning that love, without feeling like I was falling but like I was floating, rising above everything to a place of wonderment and acceptance; a place that felt like no other.                       In the country walking, running with all of the dogs that have enriched my life, and shown m...

What is Sunday really for ? A day to stay in your  sweat pants on the couch streaming a show about a chemistry teacher in the desert in his underwear? A day to take the kids to karate, ice skating, basket weaving and someone else’s house (now you’re getting the idea)? A day to go to the $ store for something you really don’t need and that really doesn't cost a $ ? Well - how about sex on a Sunday? As a matter of fact (completely fictitious but read on), on a recent Sunday I decided I was going to explore the Atwater Market right here in our great city of Montreal (for those of my readers from around the world - the Atwater Market is an outdoor/indoor market where vendors sell fresh produce). Once I arrived there I really had no idea what to shop for or how to “work” the market so I headed over to the nut aisle  and found a barrel filled with almonds. Now according to Dr Oz who should really be performing heart surgery and saving lives because he is ...