Life is Your Story

How are you? I mean it - really - how are you? At the end of the day when you are alone in bed or washing up in the bathroom and you see yourself in the mirror and you stay and stare just a little longer wondering how time has changed you and where the time has gone. Do you ever catch yourself not wondering what is next and wonder why you no longer think of what's next? When you go out to run your messages, do you find yourself wondering how much time you spend doing messages and how little enjoyment you gain from them? Do you ever watch the person in bed beside you sleeping and wonder who they really are? What are the secrets they have managed to keep from you and what are they thinking when you are sleeping beside them and they are awake wondering about you? Do you ever stop the car in front of your kids school when you are there to pick them up and even though they are already outside playing or hanging out with friends, instead of honking the horn or calling out thei...

I mean really. Her passing is tragic. She has an 18yr old daughter who will never recover from this loss and will never truly have the answer as to why her mother took her life (if it was not accidental). She was a fabulous singer and performer. She was a beautiful woman and probably a beautiful person who suffered from addiction as so many brilliant artists do. And then there are all of us regular folk. We have our vices, we have our secrets and tragically we all know of someone - close or distant - who has lost their struggle with addiction and in turn their lives. But let's just call it a day. Leave it be. Let her family mourn in private. Stop the constant reports, stories, photos and ridiculous interviews with people who claim to be her friends yet want nothing more than their moments of fame. You know what is really sad about her death and so many others who were in the spotlight? It's the fact that their deaths over shadow their lives in the end. It's their lives we s...

I'm not sure if you have seen this Valentines Day commercial yet - perhaps you are fortunate and it is not playing in your area. This guy runs to a train station with a box of chocolates in hand and he grabs this woman (whom supposedly he knows in a romantic sort of way) and lifts her in the air and kisses and hugs her just before she boards her train. Then he gestures to her and his lips read (and the music plays) "Merci" (that means Thank You in French). Then she opens the box and finds these mini chocolate bars like I use to get in my Halloween bag. She is very, very happy to be on the receiving end of these chocolates (and that the train has pulled away from the guy at the station). That's the thing about Valentines Day - it's expected - it's on purpose - it's cruel for anyone who is single and the worst part is that it use to (I hope this tradition has stopped) begin in grade school when our teachers announced one week ahead that we would be ...

Circa 1990... So George Clooney calls me. He's coming to town (as in Montreal) and he's heard about this fantastic mystical place called The Cavendish Mall. He asks if I can pick him up at the airport and take him there. So I step out into the fine season of winter that embraces Montreal in all its wrath and builds character in our tribe, and I get into my car wondering what I am going to say to George when he walks through those sliding doors at the airport.  Then I think about all the times I walked through those doors returning home from various travels and always having someone waiting for me on the other side - often with a kiss, a hug and sometimes even flowers.  And then I thought of all the times I stood waiting for a loved one to arrive and of all the sad faces on the people who came through those doors having no one waiting for them on the other side. Yeah so I get into my truck and it stalls and then it stalls again and George is on his way in. I can't b...

Hands up - Baby - Hands Up! Barry Zbar, Lisa Audrey Cohen and Gena Ray (of Group Ideal Travel)proudly announce the Very First MONTREAL MEMORIES CLUB MED EXTRAVAGANZA . THINK...All - Inclusive (yep booze too), tropical Cancun on a private peninsula, lots of Ocean, the Montreal Memories Folks (you), laughing, dancing, eating (while talking about eating because hey we are Montrealers) all together in one special place for one special time. Who is BARRY ZBAR ? Founder and Fearless Leader of Montreal Memories. Who is Ideal Travel ? Montreal based - 30+ years - Quebec's Largest Independent Travel Management Company. Who is Gena Ray ? The official Montreal Memories Travel Professional. Who is Lisa Audrey Cohen ? Writer in Residence - Montreal Memories - 20+ years in Adventure Travel. THE RESORT ROCKS! All - Inclusive (meals, booze, welcome cocktail just for MM, airport shuttle, membership, all sports and boating, etc.) Located and built on a Private Peninsula Fully renovated air condition...

We love our children and as we welcome them into the world our entire lives shift toward them and their well being. We worry and sometimes we overstep our bounds instead of standing back and watching even if we don't like what we see. In some cases, as parents we can no longer remain as one. Our arguments become fights and the gloves come off and we can't take back the ugly things we have done and the hurtful things we have said. We lose our love for each other but we keep our love for our children. We carry the guilt of the mornings they wake up and can't see both their parents and the nights they go to bed much the same. Sometimes we stay together even if we don't want to anymore because what we want and what our children need are two very different things. Eventually they make their choices - the real choices - the ones that take their lives from one stage to the next. They choose their careers, their partners and we hope they carry with them the valu...

Towels of my life. 3 yrs old, cold, shivering, running out of the gated kids area at Blossom Pool, my mother, kneeling, open towel, wrap around me, warm, fabric softener scent, hug, love, safe. Guest - friends country house - age 11 - weekend in winter - new discovery - some families have two houses - one for the week - one for the weekend - we don't - here is the guestroom, here is the washroom and here is your towel - large, plush - it may even be new - yes I think they gave me a new towel - welcome. Boyfriend - Me - first shower with someone other than myself - towel on, towel off - all weekend long - fun, exciting, daring - and lots of towels. Grandmother - MS - confined to bed for 30 years - paralyzed from neck down - forehead as in head as in only part of body she can feel - heating up - fever - me 16,towel - cold water - hold gently on her against her forehead - brush of fingers to her cheek - does she know I love her? - does she know I wish I could fix her? - get a...

I recently watched the movie "Beginners" written as a semi auto bio piece by Mike Mills. Ewan McGregor plays the role of a deeply effected son who witnessed the absence of affection and connection between his parents during his upbringing. Christopher Plummer steals the show playing the part of the father who after 45 years of marriage and his wife's passing, informs his son that he is Gay. He then goes on to celebrate life, love and sensual pleasures with a younger man. A permanent smile is affixed to his face and his happiness is infectious. In a sense, he becomes a "Beginner" living his life as a fresh start at the tender age of 75. One of the many questions the movie asks is... "How do you measure someone else's sorrow?" My response (cause it's my Blog): "You don't" But with empathy, an open non judgmental attitude and a good hard look into someones eyes, you can at least try. It's also a movie ...

Unfortunately and inevitably we find ourselves in a position of caring for our parents at the same time as we are parents ourselves. This stage of life and/or phenomena has been known as the "Sandwich Generation." It's painful to watch your parents grow old and become less autonomous, less able to make choices and care for themselves fully. It's tragic when one of your parents dies leaving the other behind. For the first time in 30, 40, 50 years their best friend is no longer by their side. They won't be at the breakfast table in the morning discussing all the things they have to do and planning for the weekend ahead when they will babysit their grandchildren, watch a movie and go out for Brunch. They won't be jotting down the never ending doctor's appointments that they go to together and the list for the pharmacy. They won't be ordering in their favourite food and watching the Oscars. Imagine losing the person closest in the world to you. You lo...

My mother called last night to inform me that a dear friend of many years and many circles had passed away after a valiant battle with Cancer. This was not the first friend she has lost nor will be it the last. So what are the "circles" I mentioned? Well there are certain people in our lives who just keep showing up around each corner. We meet them when we are starting out our journey and spend quality, in-depth time with them and then they move on as do we. A month, a year may go by and then one day they appear and suddenly you are working in the same office or taking the same class and its as if you never left them. Your friendship, your bond, is so strong that it levitates eternally and then reaches down and places you side by side as if you were never apart. Circles. They go round and round and sometimes they make our heads spin and our hearts swoon for they are sacred. They encompass and exhude all the passion, excitement and adventure that rolls on and beco...

A s another year expires and another begins its journey, it's the simple things in life that we should appreciate. The rest, well it will come and go and although it will leave an imprint, it won't last deeply and spiritually. Here's to the simple things: - A New Years Eve surrounded by the people that matter to you most in the world and a countdown that is really a count forward of hope and what faith does with it. - A walk in the cold winter snow talking about real things with someone who listens because they care about what you have to say and from where those words come. - Cooking, laughing, hugging and catching the eye of someone across the room who has already caught yours. - Reuniting with family and friends who may be spread across the map but when you are together it's as if you were never apart. - Welcoming a new member of the family - a baby, a significant other, a friend who would otherwise be alone for the holidays and suddenly feels as if t...

New Years are bittersweet. They come at a time of holiday, celebration, reunions with loved ones who are alive and well and memories of those who are not. When I was a kid and we would have family dinners - I mean real family dinners with cousins and 2nd cousins and my Grandfather's sister's husband's sister I thought it was the greatest thing. There were games, good food, cousins to run around and get into trouble with,gifts, pinches to cheeks(okay that wasn't so great nor were the soaking wet kisses from old people who smelled like eucalyptus and tobacco)and everyone seemed happy just to be with everyone. No one was off in a corner texting, bbming, surfing the web. It was all about being up close and personal and intimate with each other. As I grew older I would look around the table at Rosh Hoshannah Dinner or Passover Seder and my heart would sink at the sight of each empty chair that was not empty the year before. As the years went on my Grandparents on both sides ...

Sometimes when I go for a walk I feel as if I am floating above everyone else. I can see their faces passing me by. I can hear their thoughts and feel their feelings. And as I defy gravity and freeze time, I wonder what weighs heaviest on their minds. What is the source of their pain? If we could all hear one another's thoughts just for a moment on a given day, how much noise would that make? Would we be surprised by the thoughts in the minds of the people we love? What if we all had the chance to bring back one person who had passed? Who would you bring back and if you only had 60 seconds with them, what would you say? What would you do? Do you ever catch yourself in yourself? You are out buying groceries or waiting in line at the bank and you "land" in the purest, clearest form and are able to tap into how you are feeling right there and then. Try floating some time. It's trickier than walking. You have to allow yourself to be suspended in the air - something that y...

First let me start by congratulating YOU along with myself. Not only do WE run our own "Amazing Race" on a daily basis but we have won many times over. We've all gotten lost and argued with our partners in the car, we have all missed flights, made flights, missed connections and eaten bugs (intentionally or otherwise). We all juggle a zillion different tasks in a single day and when we finally get home and are ready to have a good meal, a glass of wine and a sound sleep; it's completely  unfair that Phil isn't waiting in our bedroom with a million bucks in hand and a free trip to Spain. I'll tell you what's harder than The Amazing Race - OUR AMAZING RACE. How AMAZING is it that we take care of our children, spouses, parents, spouses parent's (there should be a jet ski thrown in for that one), house, career, dog, cat, Goldfish (constantly needs replacing), health and wellness (make that another glass of red wine and some dark chocolate) ...

I was recently approached by a friend of a friend who had been diagnosed with terminal Cancer. She asked if I would collaborate with her on a Life Journal. It would be for her children to read when they were older and she was gone. She also asked that I share some of her story through posts on my Blog. Her feeling was that others in her situation may find comfort in knowing they were not alone. At the same time, Iris (from my post - A Face a Mother Never Forgets)also battling Cancer, made a similar request so she could share stories with her Grandchildren. It seems I have suddenly become the Blogger for people who have been diagnosed with this dreadful disease. So they will provide me with the details and images and I will carry the weight of their words while they carry the weight of their battle between life and death. Shades of dark and light dancing like shadows on a blank wall. May their shadows continue in motion and their stories fill the surface of the wall. All names h...