Life is Your Story

We love our children and as we welcome them into the world our entire lives shift toward them and their well being. We worry and sometimes we overstep our bounds instead of standing back and watching even if we don't like what we see. In some cases, as parents we can no longer remain as one. Our arguments become fights and the gloves come off and we can't take back the ugly things we have done and the hurtful things we have said. We lose our love for each other but we keep our love for our children. We carry the guilt of the mornings they wake up and can't see both their parents and the nights they go to bed much the same. Sometimes we stay together even if we don't want to anymore because what we want and what our children need are two very different things. Eventually they make their choices - the real choices - the ones that take their lives from one stage to the next. They choose their careers, their partners and we hope they carry with them the valu...

Towels of my life. 3 yrs old, cold, shivering, running out of the gated kids area at Blossom Pool, my mother, kneeling, open towel, wrap around me, warm, fabric softener scent, hug, love, safe. Guest - friends country house - age 11 - weekend in winter - new discovery - some families have two houses - one for the week - one for the weekend - we don't - here is the guestroom, here is the washroom and here is your towel - large, plush - it may even be new - yes I think they gave me a new towel - welcome. Boyfriend - Me - first shower with someone other than myself - towel on, towel off - all weekend long - fun, exciting, daring - and lots of towels. Grandmother - MS - confined to bed for 30 years - paralyzed from neck down - forehead as in head as in only part of body she can feel - heating up - fever - me 16,towel - cold water - hold gently on her against her forehead - brush of fingers to her cheek - does she know I love her? - does she know I wish I could fix her? - get a...

I recently watched the movie "Beginners" written as a semi auto bio piece by Mike Mills. Ewan McGregor plays the role of a deeply effected son who witnessed the absence of affection and connection between his parents during his upbringing. Christopher Plummer steals the show playing the part of the father who after 45 years of marriage and his wife's passing, informs his son that he is Gay. He then goes on to celebrate life, love and sensual pleasures with a younger man. A permanent smile is affixed to his face and his happiness is infectious. In a sense, he becomes a "Beginner" living his life as a fresh start at the tender age of 75. One of the many questions the movie asks is... "How do you measure someone else's sorrow?" My response (cause it's my Blog): "You don't" But with empathy, an open non judgmental attitude and a good hard look into someones eyes, you can at least try. It's also a movie ...

Unfortunately and inevitably we find ourselves in a position of caring for our parents at the same time as we are parents ourselves. This stage of life and/or phenomena has been known as the "Sandwich Generation." It's painful to watch your parents grow old and become less autonomous, less able to make choices and care for themselves fully. It's tragic when one of your parents dies leaving the other behind. For the first time in 30, 40, 50 years their best friend is no longer by their side. They won't be at the breakfast table in the morning discussing all the things they have to do and planning for the weekend ahead when they will babysit their grandchildren, watch a movie and go out for Brunch. They won't be jotting down the never ending doctor's appointments that they go to together and the list for the pharmacy. They won't be ordering in their favourite food and watching the Oscars. Imagine losing the person closest in the world to you. You lo...

My mother called last night to inform me that a dear friend of many years and many circles had passed away after a valiant battle with Cancer. This was not the first friend she has lost nor will be it the last. So what are the "circles" I mentioned? Well there are certain people in our lives who just keep showing up around each corner. We meet them when we are starting out our journey and spend quality, in-depth time with them and then they move on as do we. A month, a year may go by and then one day they appear and suddenly you are working in the same office or taking the same class and its as if you never left them. Your friendship, your bond, is so strong that it levitates eternally and then reaches down and places you side by side as if you were never apart. Circles. They go round and round and sometimes they make our heads spin and our hearts swoon for they are sacred. They encompass and exhude all the passion, excitement and adventure that rolls on and beco...

A s another year expires and another begins its journey, it's the simple things in life that we should appreciate. The rest, well it will come and go and although it will leave an imprint, it won't last deeply and spiritually. Here's to the simple things: - A New Years Eve surrounded by the people that matter to you most in the world and a countdown that is really a count forward of hope and what faith does with it. - A walk in the cold winter snow talking about real things with someone who listens because they care about what you have to say and from where those words come. - Cooking, laughing, hugging and catching the eye of someone across the room who has already caught yours. - Reuniting with family and friends who may be spread across the map but when you are together it's as if you were never apart. - Welcoming a new member of the family - a baby, a significant other, a friend who would otherwise be alone for the holidays and suddenly feels as if t...

New Years are bittersweet. They come at a time of holiday, celebration, reunions with loved ones who are alive and well and memories of those who are not. When I was a kid and we would have family dinners - I mean real family dinners with cousins and 2nd cousins and my Grandfather's sister's husband's sister I thought it was the greatest thing. There were games, good food, cousins to run around and get into trouble with,gifts, pinches to cheeks(okay that wasn't so great nor were the soaking wet kisses from old people who smelled like eucalyptus and tobacco)and everyone seemed happy just to be with everyone. No one was off in a corner texting, bbming, surfing the web. It was all about being up close and personal and intimate with each other. As I grew older I would look around the table at Rosh Hoshannah Dinner or Passover Seder and my heart would sink at the sight of each empty chair that was not empty the year before. As the years went on my Grandparents on both sides ...

Sometimes when I go for a walk I feel as if I am floating above everyone else. I can see their faces passing me by. I can hear their thoughts and feel their feelings. And as I defy gravity and freeze time, I wonder what weighs heaviest on their minds. What is the source of their pain? If we could all hear one another's thoughts just for a moment on a given day, how much noise would that make? Would we be surprised by the thoughts in the minds of the people we love? What if we all had the chance to bring back one person who had passed? Who would you bring back and if you only had 60 seconds with them, what would you say? What would you do? Do you ever catch yourself in yourself? You are out buying groceries or waiting in line at the bank and you "land" in the purest, clearest form and are able to tap into how you are feeling right there and then. Try floating some time. It's trickier than walking. You have to allow yourself to be suspended in the air - something that y...

First let me start by congratulating YOU along with myself. Not only do WE run our own "Amazing Race" on a daily basis but we have won many times over. We've all gotten lost and argued with our partners in the car, we have all missed flights, made flights, missed connections and eaten bugs (intentionally or otherwise). We all juggle a zillion different tasks in a single day and when we finally get home and are ready to have a good meal, a glass of wine and a sound sleep; it's completely  unfair that Phil isn't waiting in our bedroom with a million bucks in hand and a free trip to Spain. I'll tell you what's harder than The Amazing Race - OUR AMAZING RACE. How AMAZING is it that we take care of our children, spouses, parents, spouses parent's (there should be a jet ski thrown in for that one), house, career, dog, cat, Goldfish (constantly needs replacing), health and wellness (make that another glass of red wine and some dark chocolate) ...

I was recently approached by a friend of a friend who had been diagnosed with terminal Cancer. She asked if I would collaborate with her on a Life Journal. It would be for her children to read when they were older and she was gone. She also asked that I share some of her story through posts on my Blog. Her feeling was that others in her situation may find comfort in knowing they were not alone. At the same time, Iris (from my post - A Face a Mother Never Forgets)also battling Cancer, made a similar request so she could share stories with her Grandchildren. It seems I have suddenly become the Blogger for people who have been diagnosed with this dreadful disease. So they will provide me with the details and images and I will carry the weight of their words while they carry the weight of their battle between life and death. Shades of dark and light dancing like shadows on a blank wall. May their shadows continue in motion and their stories fill the surface of the wall. All names h...

I had the distinct pleasure of going to the hospital for some routine blood tests -  post check-up. I wasn't paying attention and got off the elevator on the wrong floor and wandered into Neurology. No one there looked happy. I got back in the elevator and this time got off at the right floor and I have to say, no one there looked happy either. Everyone is walking around lost. They're on the wrong floor in the wrong department and since it's impossible to get the attention of any staff, they are asking other lost people where to go. It's a sad, pathetic situation. I arrived at the test centre where I located more stranded people without any hope of rescue in sight. I started to read my magazine and then looked up several times to see what number the screen was showing (even though I could easily figure out there were at least 20 people before me) and then I gave up my seat to an elderly woman. Seeing someone elderly and frail wait alone in a hospital for any ...

We all experience it at some time in our lives. There's this fantastically delicious person - a friend - a co-worker - who you've been hanging out with for years. On the outside, you're cool and breezy having drinks, cooking dinner, deep talks over coffee and wine, a quick lunch and always saying "Goodnight" instead of "Stay". You have kissed their cheeks a million times yet never felt the sensation of their lips against yours. And although there were those nights when you fell asleep together on the couch or even in your bed, both in a drunken stupor or after having comforted one another through a tough time, you have never been skin to skin. Your bodies have never been intertwined and tangled in the glorious and raucous rolling of love making. You've said "I love you" but you've never said "I'm in love with you" and you've listened to all their stories about the spun and spoiled romances that have come their ...

Death is tragic. Death is final. Death is unfair. I spent over two decades in the Camp industry. As a Director, I recruited and hired thousands of staff to lead our summer tours. Other than an ability to communicate and lead students effectively, the main characteristics I looked for in a candidate were individuality, selflessness and quite simply "street smarts." So many incredible young people came and went through our door. They were not just educators but really great educators who cared about their students/campers playing an active role in their development and growth. Through travel and adventure, they opened their eyes and raised their awareness about the world around them and how they could make it a better place. J.F. (Jean Francois) Pelland was one of the brighter stars to shine in the sky that held up our teams world. The day we met, he arrived for his interview wearing his Rollerblades. He did not have on a helmet or pads and he had bladed from the oppos...

So it's the end of a long day and you are finally getting cozy in bed. By the dim light of a lamp, you read a few pages of a book you never seem to finish and the need for sleep overwhelms you. The light goes off and there you are staring at the ceiling. Darkness. It conjures up thoughts and images we manage to avoid or ignore in the light. I find that right there in that very moment, I think of those who have passed on from this life and left me with my heart in my hand missing them always. I wonder where they've gone in the afterlife. I close my eyes and I see their faces. Memories rush through my brain turning the cog wheel at such a constant, powerful pace that my heart starts to beat faster. I force myself to remember the good times when they were healthy,vibrant, laughing the way they laughed and very much a part of life in its entirety and a part of me. I think of my Grandfather who fought in two world wars, traveled the world, a painter, a sculptor and a pharmaci...

It was one year ago today (Nov.8th) that former Montrealer, Barry Zbar created a face book page/group called Montreal Memories. The first person to join was Sara Leber (rock on Sara)and slowly but surely, more and more ex Montrealers (as well as those of us who never left) requested Barry's blessing to become one of the chosen that has since grown to 1888 members (at the exact moment of writing this post). Barry's original intentions were to provide a place where Montrealers removed and otherwise could gather to reminisce about this incredibly vibrant and amazing city. Some joined as Alumnus of Northmount, West Hill, Wagar, Baron Byng and others simply with a healthy appetite and appreciation for Montreal food such as poutine from Lafleurs, smoked meat from Schwartz's, steak from Moishes, Squished Knishes from Blossom Pool, Orange Julep from... well you can figure out that one, cheese cake from Dunns, and steamies from Montreal Pool Room. The music of the 60s and 70s is cel...