Life is Your Story

So it's the end of a long day and you are finally getting cozy in bed. By the dim light of a lamp, you read a few pages of a book you never seem to finish and the need for sleep overwhelms you. The light goes off and there you are staring at the ceiling. Darkness. It conjures up thoughts and images we manage to avoid or ignore in the light. I find that right there in that very moment, I think of those who have passed on from this life and left me with my heart in my hand missing them always. I wonder where they've gone in the afterlife. I close my eyes and I see their faces. Memories rush through my brain turning the cog wheel at such a constant, powerful pace that my heart starts to beat faster. I force myself to remember the good times when they were healthy,vibrant, laughing the way they laughed and very much a part of life in its entirety and a part of me. I think of my Grandfather who fought in two world wars, traveled the world, a painter, a sculptor and a pharmaci...

It was one year ago today (Nov.8th) that former Montrealer, Barry Zbar created a face book page/group called Montreal Memories. The first person to join was Sara Leber (rock on Sara)and slowly but surely, more and more ex Montrealers (as well as those of us who never left) requested Barry's blessing to become one of the chosen that has since grown to 1888 members (at the exact moment of writing this post). Barry's original intentions were to provide a place where Montrealers removed and otherwise could gather to reminisce about this incredibly vibrant and amazing city. Some joined as Alumnus of Northmount, West Hill, Wagar, Baron Byng and others simply with a healthy appetite and appreciation for Montreal food such as poutine from Lafleurs, smoked meat from Schwartz's, steak from Moishes, Squished Knishes from Blossom Pool, Orange Julep from... well you can figure out that one, cheese cake from Dunns, and steamies from Montreal Pool Room. The music of the 60s and 70s is cel...

When my husband and I met we were both younger, in better shape, somewhat more attractive and a lot less tired. We took the leap, the chance that all couples take and headed off into the horizon never looking back, always looking forward. That was 17 years ago and let me tell you, we had no idea what we were doing or what was coming our way. The thing is that none of us know what the future holds. Partners face all sorts of changes and challenges. One gets fat, one gets thin, one gets sicker, one gets healthier, one gets richer, one gets poorer and so on. So what is the glue that affixes us to one another no matter how many negative forces try to pull us apart? Here is what I can tell you. When I have something I need to talk about, he listens. When I have been sick, he has been there to support me, hold me and motivate me to scrap it out. We do little things together like he cooks brunch on sleepy Sunday mornings while I read to him from the UK edition of Men's Esquire....

A baby is born More spectacular Than the moon Than the stars Tiny fingers that somehow fidget Tiny toes that somehow wiggle A smile A tooth A giggle A word A step A bit of Mom A bit of Dad A blueprint of change Watching him drift into a sleepy dream Far Better than any play, concert or show Grandparents transformed from Parents A magnificent full circle Souls join and free fall through the air They tango, they sway and they dip The gift of life The gift of health Freezes us in the now Forces us to rethink everything It's not all that matters It's just that nothing matters more Welcome to the world Camden. Your journey has just begun.

Note - This post was inspired by recent conversations with friends who left this great city of Montreal back in the 80s. We spoke of the amazing food we grew up on (all noted below). We started with the golden, delicious, piping hot, Egg Rolls from the Yangtze and there was no heading back from there. But let's begin at the beginning - Lunch. My brother and I would go to school each day with a well balanced lunch in a bag. This would consist of a sandwich such as tuna or my mom's homemade chicken salad on rye or Challah, a Ziploc with 2 Oreo or chocolate chip cookies, a piece of fruit and this really great juice in a plastic bottle that they don't seem to make anymore. The first thing we would do when the lunch bell rang was to get out there in the school yard and "SELL, SELL, SELL". That's right (I hope my mother is not reading this post and if you are Mom - it's completely fictitious) we would sell our lovely lunches for cold hard ca...

Nothing is as beautiful as you No field of wild flowers No wild running river No rainbow No summers kiss You are beautiful as a person You are everything as a friend You are my past, my present, my future You are my beginning, my middle, my end I carry you with me wherever I go, wherever I am I know you support my every decision as much as my every mistake I see you when you are not there or here or anywhere I strive to emulate you in gesture, kindness and compassion You are beautiful You are irreplaceable You are my Mom I love you

(Circa - when I was younger)   "ROADTRIP!"   I was off on a journey, no not a journey, a mission - yes, I was going to find a small town and go completely "Footloose" on them. I looked at a map, packed my tights and my dancing shoes and then my mother called. I told her I would see her in a few days and that I was off on a "business trip" to which she replied "What business?" I hung up because that is what I do and ran outside, got into my car and it stalled and then it stalled again and then I realized I would need a lift to my mission. So I was about to call a friend when my father called (even though I had just spoken to my mother and he was sitting directly across from her having a piece of pecan pie). "Leeza (has no idea my name is Lisa), what's this your mother tells me you are hitting the road? I'm coming. Do they have good restaurants where you are going?" "Dad, you're not coming" and then miraculou...

Preface: Many years ago my dog and I fell through the ice on a lake in the country. My husband was away patrolling at a ski hill and the house we rented at the time was in an isolated area. The moment I fell through and started to go into deep freeze - I heard my late Grandfather telling me to fight and survive. I equate the depth, darkness and overall tone of this post to the traumatic events we all experience within our lifetimes and the spirit that arrives and takes us by the hand and saves us from everything and everyone including and most importantly ourselves. We all fall - here's to hoping we all get back up again. ---------------------------------------------- What happens when the ground you stand upon falls out from underneath you? Is an ambulance sent to the scene? Is there a trauma team on call waiting for you in an operating room? Are your loved ones contacted and gathered together? Are you able to express what is happening and why? Is there news covera...

We take chances every day. Actually we take chances every second of every day - we just don't realize it and we therefore do not always weigh the consequences. We take chances in allowing ourselves to fall in love for the first time. We are vulnerable and we let someone into our deepest, darkest secrets and share with them the most intense of intimacies - love making. Many people believe that life is but a chance. It may sound Shakespearean but think about it... how many times has something happened to you that seemed like less than a coincidence? Maybe it all is one big chance sort of like leaping over a large puddle between the corner of the street and the road and you either end up in a smash landing or you make it safe and dry onto the sidewalk. It's sometimes good to take chances because in taking them we change the path we are on and turn onto something new and refreshing and we even discover a part of ourselves that had been hidden or lost. Other times we t...

How to make more money? I've got it. It's genius. Actually the idea came directly from Tom Cruise's first starring role in a major film that film being "Risky Business". Here is a synopsis for those of you who missed it. Tom is a teen growing up in an affluent Illinois suburb. His parents go out of town and leave him alone for the first time. They also leave him with cash, a Porsche and a very expensive antique egg thing. Tom's friend convinces him to call a prostitute with whom he can lose his virginity. He does (call her and lose his virginity) and then all hell breaks loose and he ends up needing money and lots of it fast so he can return his home, his father's car and his mother's egg back to its original state. So him and his girlfriend (paid prostitute)open up a bordello in his parents house inviting all the local male teens to pay for sex and they do (pay for sex and have it). While all of this is taking place, an academic advisor or interviewer...

It creeps in slowly and tactfully, systematically erasing the images and memories that make up the scrapbook of your life. It floods your foundation causing deep cracks and crevices and it crawls into the well lit tunnels that send messages that guide you in how to chew, swallow, speak, walk and think and it darkens them with its filthy dirt. It confuses, mystifies and destroys. It holds you hostage and when your loved ones try to free you, it throws you into solitary confinement - no trial, no jury, just a corrupt judge, hammer down on an iron table. Yet day in, day out, they return hoping to find a trace of you. They need to do something that makes them feel like they are doing something. So they brush your hair, rub lotion on your arms and back, buy you new slippers. They nurture and nourish you with your favourite food that they prepare when they return home because they can't sleep and they need to feel like they are doing something, anything that may make a differenc...

It's already becoming dark outside earlier. It's already Fall. The Jewish New Year is knocking at the door and standing there by it are the souls we have lost in the year gone by. Whenever there is a holiday or a reason for our family to get together and sit around a dinner table I am reminded of how fortunate I am. At the same time, I look for family members, people I have so greatly loved and so very much miss who no longer sit there in a chair conversing, laughing and looking my way. We all lose people we love and when holidays come around, especially the New Year, a myriad of memories flood our minds and churn at our souls leaving us short of breath and weak at the knees. A Grandmother, a sister, a brother, an uncle, a mom, a dad - where have they gone and how do you move forward without them? Scents bring me back. This time of year when I arrive at my parents home and I smell the chicken soup, roast potatoes and my mother's incredible cakes and pies, I can close my eye...

Alone - it's an awful word. I meet people often who spend day in, day out alone. Some are fortunate to have a pet but most can't because it's not affordable or they live in a rooming house that does not allow it. I know them well. They participate in support groups that I facilitate for those suffering from mental illness. They have lost their mental health, jobs, financial independence, in some cases their entire family support, their friends, their pride, their dignity and inevitably themselves. These are the people you see on the "side lines" when you go about your every day routines. They are sitting alone in cafes nursing a cup of coffee and a muffin while reading or writing hoping that someone will look their way and perhaps smile or say hello. They are the ones walking - always walking because it's free and it takes up time and they have no where else to go and nothing else to do. They are also the ones who may look as if they are staring right pa...

Think of the park where you played when you were young. It was probably the closest one to your house. Back then, you could walk to the park, meet your friends there and play all day without much worry at all. So you've taken yourself to that place and you are accompanied by all your childhood friends and the bonds have been casted in plaster. Bonds that are perhaps or even likely the strongest you have ever formed beyond family and partners. Everyone is there even those who have exited this life. They are all smiling, healthy and you can reach out and touch them. Today in this flashback, in this park, everyone is very much alive and safe. The mission of the day - simple - have fun, laugh, chase one another across an open field, or a basketball court. Learn something - how to throw a Frisbee or pitch a strike or do a lay up. Gather that endless energy that has returned to every molecule of your being and put it all out there for everyone to see. Express yourself without an...

 This is a tribute, a pool of memories and a heavy heartache. It's the one year anniversary of the passing of both of my dogs. We never would have expected to lose them within a month of one another. For all of those who know me, my family and friends, you also know this story too well yet it is a story I relive, day in, day out and as a writer, I write about what I live. I had two dogs and they were the loves of my life. They were my children. Buddy was 13 going on 14 yrs of age. We adopted him from a shelter when he was 4 months old. He was a Flat Coat Retriever, actually a sought after and very expensive breed. The people who gave him up were living in a small apartment, leaving him there for 10 hours each day unattended and he consistently barked and destroyed things while they were absent (big surprise). He was a wild puppy. He barked all the time. He definitely mistaken me for a fellow canine and wanted to play with me and throw me around. He destroyed my bik...